Hey! Good to meet up again with this article about that love-hate relationship between us and communication...
"We tried to talk it over, but the words got in the way", sang the American pop group the Carpenters in their typical sweet voices. But those words summarize the whole problem of communication. In business meetings, family matters, friends at parties or even shopping, the words will get in the way of communication. Do we really say what we want to say? Do "they" listen?
How come we often have to repeat? And how come the expression miscommunication is very common? I often tell managers in my seminars about their teams: "if they didn't hear it, you didn't say it". The message is simple: if you can't ensure your "piece" has been delivered, there is no point in even saying it in the first place.
How come we can't communicate as effectively as we would like? We have been communicating since we were born, and still, there is always room to improve (oh, yes!) How come? There are two major issues around the fact we are less-than-perfect communicators after such a long time of communication.
The first factor regarding difficulties in communication has to do with what we need to express. Have you ever noticed when you get too anxious, excited or angry your words become confused and confusing? We become less accurate when emotions get in. There is so much inside our systems to express, and only one channel to get it out : words. Think about trying to fill a tiny cup from a hose gushing with water.
We end up using expressions like "I guess what I mean is ...(!!)', or "what I'm trying to say is...." or "I suppose that should sound like...."
These expressions prove to yourself and the other poor party that we are already in a fix. Our language, any language, falls too short to fulfill our multitude of emotions, senses and ideas. Listen to this "words can't explain how much I feel". True. But, maybe words "can" if we focus on the "how".
This takes us to the second factor in making communication a tough challenge: the communication process. Thirty years ago, Harvard Business School put out a great book on negotiation, "Getting to Yes" (Second edition published in Penguin Books, 1991). In that bestseller book, William Ury, co-author and director of Harvard Negotiation Network, tackles the process of negotiation. Even though we practice communication most of our waking hours, we are still not perfect at it. Why? Because we focus on the result, the content, not the process of moving information and ideas, Ury argued.
The "how" is hardly considered. End-result is what we are after. There isn't much learned from winning or losing a communication piece.
Managers who learn a different process to conduct a meeting or a presentation scheme, think these are great approaches. Then, nothing! No implementation = no learning. We are creatures of habits, it's dead easy to fall back into our old pattern. Try to sleep on the other side of the bed, change how you brush your teeth or even how you cross your arms.... very challenging, eh!
The moral of the story is obvious. Many managers, you included, know that clarification before reacting is good and almost common sense. Now how many apply that? And while we're at, is common sense really common? The only way to improve is to practice what you need to work on, not later but NOW. Stop reading and do it!
Comments